


15 Bottles of Beer

by Uy8hg



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gen, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 04:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uy8hg/pseuds/Uy8hg
Summary: Some people like singing during a long car trip. Sometimes it just gets on your nerves.





	15 Bottles of Beer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a title prompt a while back on @shadeofazmeinya 's tumblr

To no one’s surprise, Gavin started it.

The six of them were piled into a van Jack had rented for the weekend. The only vehicles they owned normally that would house all of them were a limo or an assortment of cars that required at least one person to be hanging off the side at all times, neither of which were good options for long trips. The limo might have worked, but this weekend they weren’t supposed to be the legendary Fake AH Crew. This weekend they were just a group of guys close enough to be considered a family.

Geoff kept his eyes on the road, watching for anything interesting to happen, but nothing interested ever happened on these back highways. The most exciting thing he’d seen in the past half hour was a farmhand chasing down a horse that was trying to run away. It’d been interesting watching for just that brief moment of time as the car sped past. Normally Jack would be the one driving and he could look out at the world around him, either that or his phone, but this trip they were taking turns. Geoff had drawn the second straw, and Jack had already taken up Geoff’s abandoned job in the passenger seat, slowly nodding off with the fading light outside.

With a look in the rear view mirror he could see Gavin directly behind him, feet somehow up on the chair with him, staring thoughtfully out the window, though Geoff had no idea what the boy could be thinking. Behind Gav was just the small bit of Jeremy he could see in the far back, the man dozing. A quick glance over his right shoulder to check his blind spot, even though he was in the right most lane, could give him a view of Ryan opposite Gavin with Michael behind him, both looking out the window.

Geoff found himself looking back more than he did forward.

It didn’t matter though. The light was slowly fading, the cars were beginning to thin around them, and all Geoff had to do was keep his foot on the gas and the wheels pointing straight. A glance at the time told him he had about a half hour before it was time to switch off with Ryan. He’d already been driving for over three hours, and he was getting tired, probably like the rest of the men in the vehicle.

All of a sudden the silence was broken by none other than Gavin Free. It was quiet, barely more than a whisper, but in the silent car it was nearly deafening.

“Ninety-nine cuppas of tea on the wall, ninety-nine cuppas of tea. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight cuppas of tea on the wall.”

Geoff’s eyes flicked to his mirror. Gavin was still staring out the window, elbow on the sill and hand in his palm. He scanned the rest of the car for reactions, but Jack and Jeremy were basically asleep, and Ryan and Michael were still looking out the window. He wondered if he was the only one who heard it.

“Ninety-eight cuppas of tea on the wall, ninety-eight cuppas of tea. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-seven cuppas of tea on the wall.”

“Dude, what?” Michael asked from the back, sitting up to try and get a better look at Gav, who was still looking out the window. Gavin turned slowly toward Michael, and Geoff could see him blink slowly at the other man, clearly in a daze. When Gavin didn’t say anything, Michael continued. “What are you doing?”

“Singing,” Gavin said, almost in a monotone, as if it was the most obvious answer ever. Technically, it was, but Geoff didn’t comment on.

“Why?” Michael pressed. “And why those lyrics? Are those seriously the words you know?”

Gavin just shrugged and turned back to the window. A light rain had started, running down the windows and causing Geoff to turn on the windshield wipers. They rhythmically swished back and forth, making him even more tired than he already was.

“I realized it fit, so I just went for it. Like, why not?” Gavin told the window. Michael watched him for a second longer before slumping back down in his seat. Geoff returned his gaze to the road, having to pay a little more attention now to keep them out of a ditch.

The car had returned to its peaceful silence of sleepy individuals when Gavin started up quietly again. “Ninety-seven cuppas of tea on the wall, ninety-seven cuppas of tea. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-six cuppas of tea on the wall.”

“Why though?” Michael protested again. Geoff could see he was fully upright now, practically glaring at Gavin. Ryan turned to look at the hand trying to pull his chair back, but Michael didn’t care. Gavin looked like he was shocked but also too tired to care, a weak version of his usual terrified look on his face. “Why do you have to do this? At least do it right, if you feel the need to sing!” The man slumped angrily back into his corner, shoving his earbuds into his ears, but Geoff knew the music wasn’t on. He’d complained loudly when his phone ran out of battery over an hour ago.

Gavin looked a little taken aback by Michael’s outburst, but when wasn’t he surprised? By this point, Geoff would have guessed that the Brit would be used to Michael’s complaints, but he never seemed to not get shocked by them. Gavin glanced at the floor, threw a look or two at Michael, before slumping back in his seat. It wasn’t the same picture as before, when he’d been a mess of limbs perched on his chair as he looked out. Now he looked defeated, probably showing just how tired he truly was. Geoff couldn’t help but feel the same, staring at the lines ahead of his through the trails of the rain.

“Where were you, Gavin?” Ryan asked quietly. He didn’t turn when the younger man looked over at him, or even when he answered, “Ninety-six.” He just nodded and the car fell into silence again.

Geoff blinked fiercely, trying to wake himself up to finish his shift. Without the distraction of conversation behind him, everything fell into an almost hypnotizing sense of sameness. Look forward, check mirror, forward, blind spots, back to forward, repeat. He almost jumped when the voices started up again.

“Ninety-six cans of Diet Coke on the wall, ninety-six cans of Coke. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-five cans of Diet Coke on the wall.”

Geoff was taken aback, having to look back to make sure he’d heard right. Ryan hadn’t moved, still looking out the window as he sang. “Ninety-five cans of Diet Coke on the wall, ninety-five can of Coke. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-four cans of Diet Coke on the wall.”

Gavin’s laugh was a sharp contrast to the quiet singing by Ryan. Ryan chuckled as he turned to watch Gavin have a fit. Geoff also couldn’t keep a smile off his face as half the car devolved into giggles. A glance behind him provided him with the sight of Michael rolling his eyes and Jeremy rubbing his eyes.

“What’s happening?” he mumbled, stretching himself awake.

“They’re singing the wrong lyrics and having a blast,” Michael filled him in. Jeremy seemed confused, but he nodded and settled back in to his corner of the car.

Gavin and Ryan exchanged a look and began again, barely above a whisper, each singing their own special lyrics. “Ninety-four-”

“Cuppas of tea-”

“Cans of Diet Coke-”

“-on the wall, ninety-four-”

“Cuppas of tea-”

“Cans of Coke-”

They finished the line, grinning the whole way through. When they pauses, Michael threw in a loud sigh and commented, “Ryan, you’re doesn’t even fit in that well.” Ryan just shrugged, which sent Gavin into another fit of laughter.

Geoff turned his attention back to the front as the next line rang out behind him, quieter than the whispered one before it.

“Ninety-three bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-three bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-two bottles of beer on the wall.”

Gavin, Ryan, and Geoff all turned their gazes to Michael, who looked just as shocked as the other two men. Simultaneously, everyone turned to look at the supposedly-asleep figure of Jeremy. From under the blanketed lump, they could hear, “Ninety-two bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-two bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-one bottles of beer on the wall.”

“At least someone knows the correct words,” Michael laughed, sitting back and patting the lump of Jeremy carefully. The lump kept singing, going through another line before Ryan and Gavin jumped back in again. Geoff chuckled as he watched the road, three conflicting sets of lyrics behind him. It was when they hit the mid-eighties that a fourth voice mixed in, enforcing a certain set of lyrics.

“Eighty-four bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-four bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, eighty-three bottles of beer on the wall.”

Geoff turned to see Michael staring intently at Gavin, singing fiercely as the other man scrunched down against the door. Ryan gently pushed Michael back as they continued, four voices singing three different things. In a possible attempt to assert his own dominance over what he started, Gavin got louder on the next line, nearly at a normal speaking volume as he stared back at Michael, ensuring him that he had eighty-one cuppas of tea to Michael’s beers.

The two stared at each other, Ryan not seeming to care what words were being sung as he continued serenading the window with his own version. Jeremy was still a sleepy lump, but he kept singing with the rest of them. By now it was an almost beautiful cacophony of noise. The four would start together before splitting into their own variations. They would then reunite in something that mockingly mimicked harmonies. How they managed to keep the numbers and their personalizations straight, Geoff didn’t know.

To be honest, Geoff was surprised Jack hadn’t woken up yet. By the time the four in the back had reached seventy, they were all at a speaking volume. The staring contest ended at sixty-three. Jeremy sat up around fifty-five. Gavin started moving around in what he probably called dancing at forty-eight. There was a full-out dance party at thirty-seven. Ryan started head bobbing at thirty-three.

Geoff started to lose patience somewhere in the sixties. By forty he was ready to yell at them all, but he didn’t want to wake the miraculously still sleeping Jack. At twenty-five he could feel his eye beginning to twitch. He saw his freedom at eighteen. Fifteen was his limit.

“Why are we pulling over?” Gavin asked, breaking off the song.

Geoff grunted back, “It’s a rest stop. That’s what you do. You pull over.”

“Is it time to switch?” Ryan asked. “I thought there was still a bit of time.”

“Either we switch or I crash the car,” Geoff shot back. No one said anything as he parked and got out. “Five minutes before we leave. Pee now or forever hold it.”

Gavin took off at a full sprint for the restroom, Jeremy lazily started down the sidewalk to the other end of the stop still wrapped in his blanket, and Michael planted himself next to an outlet. Jack was somehow still fast asleep in the passenger seat.

“Why did we stop?” Ryan asked as he sidled up next to Geoff as he stretched.

“Another second of song and I would have murdered one of you, or all of us if I accidently drove us off the road.”

“Accidently?” Ryan started adjusting the seat and Geoff got his own blanket out of the trunk. “Also, how is switching drivers going to help?”

“You’ll be in the front, and you were his main backup vocals.”

“I do not sing backup,” Ryan protested.

“This way I can also hit him if he starts. Besides, we would have switched at the next stop. Why not now?”

“You owe me fifteen minutes of driving at some point.”

Geoff shrugged as the lads started to reconvene. Jeremy started to climb into the back, but Geoff stopped him. His sleeping spot was in the far back, and he wanted Gavin next to him to monitor the boy. They all piled in and took off without any more words, spoken or sung.

Somehow, Jack was still asleep, and soon enough, Ryan was the only one up, humming quietly to himself in the silent car.


End file.
